Shark Week! OR Why I'm not getting much sleep!

So, 9:00 on a Sunday night rolls around, and I'm just flipping through the channels, minding my own business, when all of the sudden I pass the Discovery Channel and realize, to both my joy and dismay, that Shark Week has indeed begun.

For the uninitiated (and culturally out of touch), Shark Week is a week-long programming theme for the Discovery Channel where most every show is about sharks. These shows range from documentaries about different sharks, to Mythbusters episodes where they test the plausibility of Jaws.

Now, I'm not sure why this week-long theme is so popular with the masses or why it captivates me so. All I know is that between 9:00 pm and 1:00 am last night, I watched shows ranging from the "Oceans of Fear" (about the sinking of the USS Indianapolis in shark infested waters during World War II) to "Air Jaws" (about Great White Sharks breaching the surface of the water as the feed on seals and sea lions), and I was enthralled for every minute. There is just something about sharks that touches a chord within us. Perhaps we pause and examine our own humanity. Maybe there is a touch of "shark" in all of us. Or maybe I just think that watching a Great White Shark fly through the air is frickin cool.

As I write this post, bleary-eyed at work, I can't help but look forward to this week with equal parts excitement and dread. I'm sure I will spend hours gorging on shark-related programming. I'll probably cheer out loud and make comments such as "dude, that was awesome" to no one in particular. I'll relish each and every minute I watch these predators of the deep do something cool. All while I neglect both my wife and sleep. Which is why I'm grateful that it is called Shark "Week" and not Shark "Month". I'm not sure my marriage or job can survive my addiction.

Why it can suck to be named Don

Before I get into the meat of this post, let me preface by saying overall I do enjoy my name. It is unique enough that I don't share my name with anyone I know personally. However, it is common (and simple) enough that I don't get "How do you pronounce that". In addition it is a name that easily lends itself to other nicknames. I have rarely been called just "Don". It is often altered or mixed with other words/sounds (my name is often sung) to be creative. In addition, as it is used as a title in both Spanish and Italian, it often allows for fun variations such as "The Don" or "Don Corleone". So overall, I like my name.

However, every now and then I get reminded of one key fact that demotes my name: It is an OLD name. If you google image search "Don Cordell", this picture is the first one to come up. I mean seriously, doesn't everyone have an "old uncle Don" somewhere. While this has helped thin out the number of contemporaries I have to share my name with, it does make some things difficult. Namely, old people say and do stupid things at a much higher rate than we young adults do. This has been brought to media attention recently when Don Imus made his comments about the Rutgers Women's Basketball Team. I know, I know, he was trying to be funny. But it was a STUPID COMMENT. The type of stupid comment an old man makes when he is trying to be "hip" and "funny". In a response on Al Sharpton's radio show he said "I didn't think it was a racial insult, I thought it was in the process of us rapping and trying to be funny." Yeah. Anytime a 67 year old white man talks about "Nappy-Headed Ho's", he must be rapping.

Anyways, that's just the most recent example of a stupid old man doing my name "proud" (said sarcastically). Another example I ran into is at the following web address: http://www.doncordellforpresident.com/. To make it worse, this guy shares my LAST name too. His presidential platform is nothing more than a ridiculously long rant about why he hates Mexicans.

Is it up to me to redeem the name "Don" for future generations?

"300" and Marriage

This potentially GMOAT (greatest movie of all time) comes out this weekend, and like most red-blooded American males out there, I'm absolutely stoked to see this. And while a post dedicated to how absolutely awesome this movie will be would normally be sufficient, I feel the need to utilize this topic to discuss one of the key components in marriage: compromise. The reality is that it would be a cold day in... well, you know, before my wife would go see this movie. Despite my best efforts, she just does not find the same joy I do in viewing 2 ancient armies stylistically and bloodily hack each other to bits. Early on in our marriage (yes, I realize I've only been married for 6 months now, but I'm talking about within the first month), discussions about which movies we would watch began to come up. For example, I wanted to go see "Snakes on a Plane". I could not understand why my wife would have no desire to see this movie. I mean, what could be better than watching Samuel L. Jackson trapped on an airplane full of poisonous snakes. She, on the other hand wanted to go see "Step Up". What made her think that I would have any desire to see some fruity dancing movie is beyond me. So, we compromised. We went to the movies together, and met up with our married friends Steve and Meghan. Steve and I went and saw "Snakes on a Plane" while Kim and Meghan saw "Step Up". We then met back up for ice cream afterwards. This method has worked extremely well since. Steve and I saw "Borat" together, while Kim and Meghan saw "The Queen". And now, we will do this once again for "300". I'm not sure if Kim and Meghan have decided what movie they will see, but I'm sure they will go see something that I wouldn't allow my cold, dead corpse to be drug into. And this is why we have a happy marriage. The End.

Crying!!!

Wow! Three responses to my last post. That right there gives me the impetus to resume my past musings. As I now have over a year's worth of experiences, I figure I can post on virtually any topic I want.

So, I was reading an article on yahoo today entitled "What Scares a Man?"

http://health.yahoo.com/experts/menlovesex/17701/what-scares-a-man

And while some of this post is absolute rubbish (#11 - I don't fear the Speedo, I embrace the Speedo), item #9 is absolutely RIGHT ON! Her Tears! I've been married for over 6 months now, and absolutely nothing frustrates me more than when (metaphorically speaking) the faucet starts leaking. What are we men to do in face of such an onslaught?

I think there are two key reasons for this. The first is best summed up by Ben Stiller in Starsky and Hutch: "I'm not a crier, I don't cry, I work out. I have a job, I have hobbies..." This is what real men do. We have jobs and hobbies. We don't cry. So when a woman cries, we just don't understand it. It's just not in our nature.

The second reason for this is guilt. The moment the tears start flowing, we feel guilty. Men are by our nature guilty creatures. We do things that offend. We normally take pride in this fact. It is coded in our DNA (somewhere in the Y chromosome). So when a female cries, we naturally assume it was because of us.

Now the kicker is that these two key reasons combine. We assume the crying is because of us but we don't understand why the reaction to our supposed actions is crying. If we offend another guy, he would punch us, we would punch back, and all is solved. You just can't punch back when a woman is crying (aside from the moral, ethical, and legal problems, it would just make her cry more, thus compounding the problem). So what do we do? We don't know!!! When my kitchen faucet leaks, I get a monkeywrench and fix it. I can't do that to my wife (yes she has already told me I can't when I tried to get it out!). So what do we do? (This is rhetorical question, so please don't post any comments like "hold her", "comfort her", "tell her everything is all right", etc.)

And its even worse when she is not crying because of us. While we men feel an immediate sense of relief at being off the hook, we are then even more confused because we have absolutely no idea why she is crying. The guilt at least explains a portion of the crying. Remove the guilt, and we men are absolutely dumbfounded.

Thus, I wholly agree with #9 on Yahoo's list. I fear the tears.

Don is entering the Foreign Service

While I'm not sure if anyone I know still reads this blog, I figured I'd put it up here anyways. So, last month I took the Foreign Service Oral Assesment and I passed. This means that pending a problem with my security clearance, medical exam, or budget cuts, I'll be entering the U.S. Foreign Service and working in Embassies and Consulates around the world. So, I kind of thought that was cool and deserved to be shared.

Peace out!