"300" and Marriage

This potentially GMOAT (greatest movie of all time) comes out this weekend, and like most red-blooded American males out there, I'm absolutely stoked to see this. And while a post dedicated to how absolutely awesome this movie will be would normally be sufficient, I feel the need to utilize this topic to discuss one of the key components in marriage: compromise. The reality is that it would be a cold day in... well, you know, before my wife would go see this movie. Despite my best efforts, she just does not find the same joy I do in viewing 2 ancient armies stylistically and bloodily hack each other to bits. Early on in our marriage (yes, I realize I've only been married for 6 months now, but I'm talking about within the first month), discussions about which movies we would watch began to come up. For example, I wanted to go see "Snakes on a Plane". I could not understand why my wife would have no desire to see this movie. I mean, what could be better than watching Samuel L. Jackson trapped on an airplane full of poisonous snakes. She, on the other hand wanted to go see "Step Up". What made her think that I would have any desire to see some fruity dancing movie is beyond me. So, we compromised. We went to the movies together, and met up with our married friends Steve and Meghan. Steve and I went and saw "Snakes on a Plane" while Kim and Meghan saw "Step Up". We then met back up for ice cream afterwards. This method has worked extremely well since. Steve and I saw "Borat" together, while Kim and Meghan saw "The Queen". And now, we will do this once again for "300". I'm not sure if Kim and Meghan have decided what movie they will see, but I'm sure they will go see something that I wouldn't allow my cold, dead corpse to be drug into. And this is why we have a happy marriage. The End.

Crying!!!

Wow! Three responses to my last post. That right there gives me the impetus to resume my past musings. As I now have over a year's worth of experiences, I figure I can post on virtually any topic I want.

So, I was reading an article on yahoo today entitled "What Scares a Man?"

http://health.yahoo.com/experts/menlovesex/17701/what-scares-a-man

And while some of this post is absolute rubbish (#11 - I don't fear the Speedo, I embrace the Speedo), item #9 is absolutely RIGHT ON! Her Tears! I've been married for over 6 months now, and absolutely nothing frustrates me more than when (metaphorically speaking) the faucet starts leaking. What are we men to do in face of such an onslaught?

I think there are two key reasons for this. The first is best summed up by Ben Stiller in Starsky and Hutch: "I'm not a crier, I don't cry, I work out. I have a job, I have hobbies..." This is what real men do. We have jobs and hobbies. We don't cry. So when a woman cries, we just don't understand it. It's just not in our nature.

The second reason for this is guilt. The moment the tears start flowing, we feel guilty. Men are by our nature guilty creatures. We do things that offend. We normally take pride in this fact. It is coded in our DNA (somewhere in the Y chromosome). So when a female cries, we naturally assume it was because of us.

Now the kicker is that these two key reasons combine. We assume the crying is because of us but we don't understand why the reaction to our supposed actions is crying. If we offend another guy, he would punch us, we would punch back, and all is solved. You just can't punch back when a woman is crying (aside from the moral, ethical, and legal problems, it would just make her cry more, thus compounding the problem). So what do we do? We don't know!!! When my kitchen faucet leaks, I get a monkeywrench and fix it. I can't do that to my wife (yes she has already told me I can't when I tried to get it out!). So what do we do? (This is rhetorical question, so please don't post any comments like "hold her", "comfort her", "tell her everything is all right", etc.)

And its even worse when she is not crying because of us. While we men feel an immediate sense of relief at being off the hook, we are then even more confused because we have absolutely no idea why she is crying. The guilt at least explains a portion of the crying. Remove the guilt, and we men are absolutely dumbfounded.

Thus, I wholly agree with #9 on Yahoo's list. I fear the tears.

Don is entering the Foreign Service

While I'm not sure if anyone I know still reads this blog, I figured I'd put it up here anyways. So, last month I took the Foreign Service Oral Assesment and I passed. This means that pending a problem with my security clearance, medical exam, or budget cuts, I'll be entering the U.S. Foreign Service and working in Embassies and Consulates around the world. So, I kind of thought that was cool and deserved to be shared.

Peace out!

This is just a tribute.

So, I normally wouldn't add so many posts in such a short period of time, but I recently heard of an event that I feel more than anything else deserves publication on the world-wide web. Most of you are aware of the one and only Ryan Daniels. Well, last weekend, Ryan did something he once swore to me he would never do. He ran a marathon. But not just any marathon. Ryan Daniels ran in the Ryan Daniels Invitational Saturday Night at 6:43 p.m. Marathon. As you can well imagine, he was the only runner. This was due to the fact that there was absolutely no advertisement for this marathon. Which was due to the fact that Ryan just decided on a whim on a Saturday night that he wanted to run a marathon. So he did. Ladies and gentlemen, this feat deserves the awe and respect of all of us. So, the next time you see Mr. Ryan Daniels, I want you to prostrate yourselves on the ground in front of him and chant "We're not worthy" three times. You may then stand upright again and resume your previous behavior. Thank you.

Tookie

I trust all of you well-informed readers of my blog are aware that today, your friend and mine, Stanley "Tookie" Williams was put to death. Even those of you who read nothing more than People magazine should be aware of this incident. Such cultural giants as Snoop Dogg, Jamie Foxx and others who have animal last names with double final letters have made this a huge media issue. And well they should. By giving the drip to the crip we have put to death a man who was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize (take that Switzerland!) as a powerful anti-gang advocate. And yet for all of his children's literature (he was basically the hip-hop Dr. Seuss) he never fessed up to actually killing anyone. As if the founder of one of the most violent gangs in American history would ever need to kill anyone. And to make this story even more intriguing, his final fate was decided by a man best known for his title roles in the "Terminator" films.

Basically the point of this blog is thus: Irregardless of your personal opinion on whether Tookie deserved clemency or not, this certainly provided one hell of a news story!